somewhere in the middle 4

…you joined me in the grass
and it made the day more painful
because i couldn’t walk away when i needed to
you joined me in the grass
and my throat squeezed
when your fingers found mine
laced through and tightened
i wasn’t prepared for lost of breath
of new sights of life that were passing along in the clouds to fall
and when i asked for your thoughts
you were honest with me
you told me how you were afraid
that once the day was over
that there was no room in your heart for moving on
that once the day was over
that there would be no room left over for loving yourself
because now
everything was wrapped up in me
and you and somehow in that space between
that the space before and after
was filled with air so thick that life no longer existed there
and i tried to ignore
how my heart quickened its pace there
how my mind wanted to scream that those feelings were too short of healthy
but i couldn’t
because those same thoughts were mine
and you told me
told me
that you were afraid that later
when the day was over
that the kitchen would never be painted
and it reminded me of a time somewhere in the middle
when
i surprised you with an early morning breakfast
we laid a blanket over licked grasses on the edge of a field
near its oldest tree
and i gave you my sweater
because i wanted to feel the chill on my skin
i laid back against the tree
and you sat across from me
eyes tired
your smile saying you were anything but
and we sat in silence
you looked into my eyes
and fed me grapes
up until positions were switched
when your eyes were downcast
and suddenly
you were too cold
not hungry
sitting still made you uncomfortable
and you rubbed your eyes
blamed it on the darkness that was staying too long
so i pulled you to me
between my legs
and you stretched out
laid back
and i wrapped my arms around your shoulders
bent my head in the crook of your neck
and whispered how beautiful you were
told you that the rising sun couldn’t touch how bright your spirit
that your love was so good
it was painful
and could bring me to bended knee one day
and you giggled
started swaying and asked for more
so i told you
your love couldn’t compare to the need to breathe
because with you i was almost always out of breath
and i could hear the smile in your voice
and i didn’t say anything
because i knew you wouldn’t hear the smile in mine…

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